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Retro Telstar 1st Edition: Chair Review

Best and Worst Seats in the House (Pub. Oct. 31, 2003)

Brian Forster and Elizabeth Simmons

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“Retro Telstar” is a series that sifts through piles of archived articles from previous issues of the Telstar newspaper and unveils the most witty, the most archaic, and the most relevant. The series features weekly installments in its quest to connect current students with the Scorpions of the past.
The inaugural post of the Telstar’s new series “Retro Telstar” features a witty examination of the merits of various chairs found throughout Satellite High School. The review does not explore some of the newer additions to the variety of seats available to the modern students: beloved mobile chairs found in computer labs and wide backed plastic chairs that appear as though they could offer a hint of comfort, but in reality are as painful as the “Desk 4” featured in the story below. Though fourteen years have passed, the common student’s priorities remain the same: a desire for a seat comfortable enough to offer the opportunity for a blissful nap during a tedious lecture. Enjoy!

While teachers and administrators glide across the floor in cushioned reclining chairs, students at Satellite are stuffed into desks made of pressed wood and steel. But if Satellite doesn’t offer quality, it at least has quantity.

Desk 1: The One with the Metal Bar

A quality sit. The spacious desk area is among the best, but the arm on the side is a tad annoying. It gets in the way, but isn’t wide enough to serve as an armrest. Still, the desk is among the more comfortable, and the metal tray underneath the seat provides a convenient footrest for the kid behind you.

Rating: 4/5

 

Desk 2: The One with the Arm Rest

The most confining, Desk 2 features a smaller writing area and an extended wooden armrest. The desk is also heavily slanted, which makes resting one’s head difficult. Aside from Desk 4, this is the least desirable option. The only comfortable position is with one’s weight shifted to the right side, with the right forearm on the armrest.

Rating: 2/5

 

Desk 3: The One without the Armrest

Similar to Desk 1, this desk has an expansive writing area. Also, the annoying metal bar is gone, and there is no confining armrest. Overall, this desk offers the most comfortable sitting. The unnecessary hole in the back of the chair is the only detractor.

Rating: 5/5

 

Desk 4: The Weird Posture-Correction Chair

This chair is found in several of the science lab rooms. Not like the other chair / desk combos, the one advantage is having a free-roaming chair is obviously the mobility. However, after five minutes in one of these, the sitter is left with a sore back and bruised shoulder blades.

Rating: 1/5

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Retro Telstar 1st Edition: Chair Review