Retro Telstar 3st Edition: Vivid Tastebuds

(Pub. May 15th, 2003)

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Retro Telstar 3st Edition: Vivid Tastebuds

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“Retro Telstar” is a series that sifts through piles of archived articles from previous issues of the Telstar newspaper and unveils the most witty, the most archaic, and the most relevant. The series features weekly installments in its quest to connect current students with the Scorpions of the past.


Oh, the early two-thousands. Era of the primary colors, where firetruck red and spring green reigned supreme. Naturally, the fad had to be extended to every aspect of life. Solid blue crew-neck tees could not satisfy the burning desire for a technicolor lifestyle. Enter food dipped in rainbow hues. Of course this would attract the attention of stubborn children and curious adults! Nowhere would you encounter a disgusted teenager picking at her hotdog slathered in pink ketchup! Sadly, the culinary art of dyed condiments was forgotten as a relic of a time where Friends was releasing new installments and NSYNC was still together.

The food industry is finally charging head on into a question has haunted parents and babysitters for generations, “How do you get a child to eat dinner?” A current trend in the food industry involves off-the-wall colors for a variety of foods and condiments.

The various foods range from Kraft’s blue macaroni and cheese featuring cartoon characters from Nickelodeon’s Blue’s Clues and Spongebob Squarepants to Parkay’s Electric Blue or Shocking Pink butter-flavored spread. French fries are no longer golden brown and dipped in the traditional red ketchup; it is now a reality to dip blue fries in green ketchup.

As a result of the colorful foods we may be faced generation thinking that blue french fries are derived from blue potatoes or that purple ketchup is squeezed from purple tomatoes. But while many children will assume such shocking colors as normal, many teens have mixed feelings concerning the new look of favorite foods.


Heinz EZ Squirt Ketchup

The ketchup shelf is now a spectrum of colors that are far more stunning than the same old red condiment. Now there are purple and green shades readily available at the local grocer. Soon, however, that spectrum will broaden when Heinz will introduce EZ Squirt Mystery Color Ketchup. The color of the ketchup will remain a mystery until the bottle is opened at home. The possible outcomes of the mystery colors: Passion Pink, Awesome Orange, and Totally Teal.



Parkay Fun Squeeze Margarine

Not only has Parkay made margarine to be “fun squeeze,” it has added outrageous coloring to its spread. So far, the colors total “Electric Blue” and “Shocking Pink.” The color of the spread will directly affect the color of many favorite foods. Imagine this: pink mashed potatoes, or blue slices of bread along side your favorite entrees.



Ore-Ida Funky Fries

Ore-Ida will launch Kool Blue Funky Fries. Also, Ore-Ida will take the new approach to fries a few steps further; they aren’t halting at a mere color change. The fry company will introduce a complete new line of french fries, cinnamon and chocolate flavors.



Kraft Macaroni and Cheese

For years, macaroni and cheese has been the same old shade of yellow. Kraft has teamed with Nickelodeon to introduced blue macaroni and cheese. Spongebob Squarepants and Blue’s Clues are the stars of the new, blue stage show. New school macaroni has arrived.



Kellog’s Disney Mickey Magix

Remember how cool it was to be left with chocolate milk after you’ve devoured a bowl of chocolatey cereal? Now kids have the opportunity for alternate surprises, post-cereal eating. Kellogg’s Disney MIckey’s Magix cereal turns milk blue gradually throughout the course of the meal.