Retro Telstar 8th Edition: Senior Wills

By the Senior Class of 2003 (pub. May 15, 2003)

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Retro Telstar 8th Edition: Senior Wills

Elizabeth Simmons

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“Retro Telstar” is a series that sifts through piles of archived articles from previous issues of the Telstar newspaper and unveils the most witty, the most archaic, and the most relevant. The series features weekly installments in its quest to connect current students with the Scorpions of the past.


In our final edition of Retro Telstar for the 2016-2017 school year, we unveil a loving list of memories compiled by the Satellite High School graduating class of 2003. Though these students were wishing farewell to Satellite fifteen years ago, many of the people, activities, and things they left behind remain cherished. Yearbook adventures. Senior prom. Stupid boys and ugly cars. These “Senior Wills” underscore that the tiniest of memories, of adventures, of traditions, define life. Decades from now, it will not be the grueling calculus test or the mountains of homework that will mark your high school years, but the friendships fortified by the trials of the teenage experience, the laughter despite being terrified of growing up, and the moments that defined one’s emergence as a unique individual.


As the Telstar staff of 2016-2017 bids adieu and accepts their unavoidable archival into the past, we urge current and future readers to protect the sanctity of journalism, acknowledge tradition and history,  and press fearlessly onwards.  Thank you.

Valerie Manley

I leave my heart to my boyfriend who I have loved since eighth grade, Brett, I love you; “Sexy” clothes, Latino music & Brrrichichima to Gladi, German “Spechensie Duetsch?,” penguins and polar bears to Chantal; Yearbook “adventures” and other trips to “Guinn”; Halloween, junior high, our five classes together, quarters, baseball games, sleep-overs, “dance contests” and North Carolina to my bestest friend “Beef”; to all my friends over the years, I love you all and will miss you! Last, but not least, I leave prom to all who shared it with me, it was a blast!


Tyler Rehwoldt

I leave my frisbee to Mrs. Dipeppe  and my bucket of mullet to Mrs. Anderson.


Adam Becker

I leave my hat to Mr. Bula; my egg carton to Doug; my calculus solution guide to Cody; and my socks to Nancy.


Nancy Dyer

I leave the notebooks to Lana; “Nannn” and toll booth accuracy to Valerie; ‘Assume the position’ to Gladi; Carmen to Guinn; DDR Fridays and Travelers to Duke; Puzzles to Levi; “I don’t care” Prom to Sean; the Big Mean Robot to Scott; Knives and Pompano trips to Crazy L; head rubs and a life-long supply of socks to Becker.


Chantal Sylvander

I leave Prime Time Hott Boys, Pigattee games, and OJ to Bethany; Cheeze-its and fat butterscotch dipped cones to Valerie; Everything bagels and Saturday nights at DQ to Matt; German dictionaries and waffle days to Ashley; to all my prom girls, I leave date sharing and quiet games!


Josh Pinnick

I leave the crown and title to my brother Chad; the Green Goblin to my boy Doug; a head full of dreadlocks to Tara, my loving mother to protect; to my brother Matt Fredrick, the best memories of my life to the class of 2003; and the Beachside with love and peace!


Bethany Tartaro

I leave Vera, Skeletor, and Carnivals to Chantal; Cooker and fetuses to Jenny; Medieval Times, TRH, and self portraits to Valerie; bulging muscles and stupid boys to Guinn; Rockin’ Reds and ugly cars to Gladi.


Ashley “Gwen” Guinn

I leave PMS cakes and our adventures out of town to Valerie; lip gloss and Cadbury Eggs to Bethany; venting sessions, Barnie’s coffee, and 5 for $20 to Gladi; being part of the dateless crew to Chantel; DDR lessons to Nancy; senior prom to my bestest friends; the Dirty Wall to Mandy and Jonathan who better carry on the tradition or there will be serious consequences.


Gladi Colon

I leave the “Out-wageous O-wange” team to my girl Bethany; business suits and Don to Guinn; to my long lost sister Valerie, I leave her club Energy; my crazy Puerto Rican attitude to Nancy; the spider monkey dance to Heide and Kim; and to Beasley I leave him my heart and unconditional love.