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The End is Nigh

Artist%27s+rendition+of+the+events+of+April+23rd.
Artist's rendition of the events of April 23rd.

Artist's rendition of the events of April 23rd.

Photo Credit Emilio Zipf

Photo Credit Emilio Zipf

Artist's rendition of the events of April 23rd.

Emilio Zipf and Ashley Basford

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Disclaimer: this article might not be as thorough as usual in order to publish it before the world ends.

2nd Disclaimer: this is satire.

April 23rd is an important event for all us; it is the day the world ends. A huge planet, mysteriously undetectable by thousands of astronomical instruments but obvious to amatuer researcher, David Meade, is hurtling towards Earth. When it arrives on April 23 it will bring volcanoes, earthquakes, and tsunamis that will end life as we know it.

This planet, supposedly named Nibiru or Planet X, is home to Annunaki, a race of aliens who Meade believes created the human race. Interestingly, Meade, a self-proclaimed Christian numerologist denies that God created the human race as stated in the Revelation book of the Bible. However, he accepts that the world will end based on a few vague verses in the book of Isaiah, “See, the Day of the Lord is coming – a cruel day, with wrath and fierce anger – to make the land desolate and destroy the sinners within it”. On April 23 the alignment of Jupiter, the sun, and the moon will align on the constellation Virgo, a normally unnoticed and unimportant event, will somehow signal that Nibiru is passing.

Not only does Meade believe the Bible supports him, but also science. Researchers have found mathematical evidence from object movements beyond Pluto and Neptune that another large planet may exist, orbiting much farther away from the sun than any planet. But they have not even observed Planet X, and obviously have no physical evidence that it is speeding towards Earth. But, let’s be honest, these Caltech and NASA researchers probably are missing something. A that something is more significant than all their useless projects anyway. Honestly, what is the rocket they launched up into space doing there for two years anyway?

But how will Planet X destroy life on Earth? Well, Meade claims that Planet X is not actually a planet, but a brown dwarf star that orbits the Sun every 3600 years. Brown dwarf stars have been observed around the universe, and they can be as small as the planet Jupiter. However, their small size is made up by their strength. Such a star is likely many times denser than Jupiter and has enough gravitational force to pull planets, even the size of Jupiter. Meade’s predictions are extraordinary, as he has found an extremely powerful second star hiding in our solar system that no other human in history has ever credibly observed, despite the claims of astronomers that such a star would be easily visible in the sky, and that modern-day telescopes have spotted brown dwarf stars from 100 light years away, the farthest reaches of our Solar System are only 2 light years away.

The first indications of Nibiru approaching Earth will be increased temperatures, and seismic activity about seven years before passing due to its electromagnetic influence on the Earth’s core. Once Nibiru’s clutches are upon us it will disrupt our electronics and the Earth’s crust itself, causing the Earth to undergo thousands of volcanoes and earthquakes, tearing continents apart. Which ends in what ultimately can be described as the end of life as we know it.

In the unlikely event that David Meade is wrong and the thousands of professional astronomers are wrong and the Earth survives past April 23rd, it wouldn’t be the first time we have survived a doomsday prediction. A normal twitter user going by “Ty” received a voicemail that was a robotic voice of a women reading a code and giving coordinates, along with messages in the Indonesian and Malay languages, and one in Morse code. When translated the message reads “Danger SOS it is dire for you to evacuate, be cautious they are not human SOS danger SOS”, and, “The message received is well related to Stephen Hawking’s death, you are not ready to face them.” The mysterious, vague message exploded on Twitter, and real experts began to take attention. These experts began to decode other messages people had received and an obvious answer arose: aliens. These experts, more contemporarily known by the ignorant public as “conspiracists”, predicted the Aliens to end the world on April 18th.

These experts unearthed more information, complicating the situation. Using the advanced next-generation mapping apparatus, Google Earth, they began weeks of grueling decoding. During those weeks, the experts, typed the coordinates provided by the voicemail into the Google Earth search bar, and found the coordinates were very close to where Malaysian Airlines flight 370 vanished from radar. This led to the most logical conclusion, aliens took down flight 370, and are now going to extinguish our planet. There are no coincidences in this world.

 

To watch the video of the voicemail, use this link.

 

Basically here are some survival tips that may or may not be useful depending if you are alive or not…

  1. Buy supplies from stores and stock up on EVERYTHING
  2. You wonder why there was a rocket launch that is supposed to go off from NASA? Its because people are getting away as fast as they can, The government just hasn’t told us yet that people are on the rocket.
  3. Buy his survival book from this link

 

Works Cited

  1. http://writers-web-services.com/
  2. https://solarsystem.nasa.gov/planets/hypothetical-planet-x/in-depth/
  3. https://www.space.com/23798-brown-dwarfs.html
  4. http://www.foxnews.com/tech/2018/03/20/creepy-military-voicemail-warning-impending-doomsday-sends-internet-into-meltdown.html
  5. https://www.express.co.uk/news/weird/934474/Stephen-Hawking-end-of-the-world-cryptic-voice-alien-take-over-April-18

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